lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
