Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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