The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
