I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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