so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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