why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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