lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
