omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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