if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
