guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
