last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize