i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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