oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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