i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
