I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
