Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
this just has baby written all over it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
