Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
