I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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