stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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