i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
