You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
