Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
