my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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