did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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