So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
