i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize