Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
