i don't like sucking hair
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
