she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
