East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
