Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
