i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
