Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel great
I just peed on a car
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
