its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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