Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
