Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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