Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
