and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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