Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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