he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
