You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
