My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
