You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
