Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
