I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
