I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
