Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My vagina just clenched in fear
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
