Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
