No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
