I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
