so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
