My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
