ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
