i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
