I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
