I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
