piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
