You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
