somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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