the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
