Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
