I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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